Standing on my back porch one day, I told God I didn’t want to believe anymore. I thought it would be simpler to just not be a Christian. I was tired of the pain caused by misuse of Scripture, the inherent patriarchy that even in progressive circles makes me feel like I have to defend my personhood at times, the thousands of years of “issues” that seem a massive weight to try to make shift. But this pesky God I didn’t want to believe in anymore wouldn’t let go of me. I couldn’t actually stop believing even if I wanted to, and so I decided I’d try again.
I went several years without reading the Bible or going to church, and when I tried to restart I realized that the very texts of Scripture in some cases triggered my past trauma because of how they’d been weaponized. I couldn’t be a Christian if working for justice and equity for everyone wasn’t part of this faith, but the more I looked and the more I studied, I realized the arcs of justice and liberation I’d been looking for are in th…
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