On the days when I believe...

Musings on life, death, and the afterlife

“On days when I believe…” Rachel Held Evans voice mixes with Kate Bowlers from No Cure for Being Human and reminds me that nothing is certain, nothing is promised, and life if it is to be really lived is an exercise in courage. Each day requires overcoming and force of will. Sometimes I seem to thrive on all the busy but sometimes I just drop all the plates and stand listlessly as they shatter into pieces at my feet. 

On the days when I believe, I think of course there's a new earth and a life eternal because it fits with the nature of God for that to be so. On the other days if I’m honest, and I’m here to tell the truth after all, I say I need there to be an afterlife because the finitude of this one terrifies me. On the days in between, I think it doesn’t really matter because all life is a gift. 

I joke with my husband that our marriage feels long because I never expected it to happen in the first place. It seemed too good to be true. I was at least half-way convinced one of us would die before we got to the altar (I was also dealing with untreated anxiety at the time). So just getting married was amazing and each anniversary has felt like a bonus. 

It’s not too big a stretch to also see life that way. And I don’t mean in some overwrought “make every moment count” kind of exhortation because as Kate Bowler said, we’re humans, not accountants.