All Shall be Well: When the Wrath of God is Good News

Advent with Lady Julian Week 3

Julian’s cell reconstructed. Photo by author.

The first time I told God I didn’t want to believe in God, I was immediately terrified. So sure I was going to be sent promptly to hell, I knew I had to do something to reverse it. 

I knelt trembling by my bed, clasped my shaking hands together and prayed what I had learned as the sinner’s prayer. 

I was eleven or twelve years old at this point, and I had been a Christian all my life. So what caused this sudden need for re-conversion? 

I had gotten extremely mad at my brother because he had been treating me unkindly, and in our broken household, there was no adult to go to for mediation of a sibling dispute. That only resulted in more unpleasantness all around. I had also been charged at some point with “keeping the peace.” The peace in that case meaning, “Don’t disturb the adults with the conflict, no matter what.” So in my precise way of thinking at the time, that meant I had to continuously forgive my brother no matter what. That day, I wa…